Retreat Reflection

I've just came back from a church retreat and had some thoughts in mind.

It was a great experience to met so many fellow christians. It's my first time meeting such a big bunch of people, really. During the retreat, it struck me that these are the people whom I want to hang out with. For last semester, I was not very involved in their activities, nor did I make the effort to know more of them. I did not take the initiative, it's more of them trying to get to know me better. In my small group, I did not have very deep sharings with my mates. I reflected and dig out everything within me. I realised that the main reason was because I know I won't be here for long. And I will be really sad when I have to leave if I were to build very close relationships with them. So unconsciously, I have set up a barrier to protect myself in that sense. Yes, immature it may sound. But leaving Singapore for Illinois has been really an experience for me. I got to know people for only half a year and got so close to them that it made leaving even more saddening. If half a year can make such an impact, what about three years?

Yes, it's farewell is inevitable in life. "Be strong and do not fear"/ " Be strong and be courageous". Even I myself can't believe how much God is trying to hint to me since the start of 2008. He has been knocking this verse a million times since that time. Yet, I don't realise it. Now, I realise what a timid person I am in so many areas of my life.

So what does hanging out more often with this bunch of people mean? It means less time spent with Singaporeans. I think this would be main effect, as friday nights are usually spent with them. Think I'll need to switch around these two groups as time goes, or may focus on one eventually. I need to stop turning into an introvert and bring back my old extrovert self. I need to be in a Christ-centered community to further pursue my spiritual growth. I need to juggle between this kind of social life as well as my social life with Singaporeans and international students. It is absolutely possible.